1. Don’t hate based on differences
There is plenty of stuff
worthy of hate in this world. There is no shortage of wicked, wretched evil
that catches my ire. There are battles worthy of fighting. Each battle I enter
into requires me to think, using a moral compass to judge how I feel and the
position I should take. Hating someone for being different from you, or hating
a concept or thing because it’s not what you’re used to, or because you don’t
understand it, is stupid, distracting, harmful, a waste of energy, and, well,
evil. I’ll hate you for it.
2. Know the difference between “sperm donor” and
“Dad”
Dad is a title that must
be earned. Every day.
3. Treat women right
If you’re gay, which is
cool, I probably don’t have to mention this one for multiple reasons. For the
straight guys, a life of being a gentleman feels better than multiple notches
on a bedpost. If you have a deal with her about not sleeping with other people,
then you don’t sleep with other people. You honor it, and expect her to as
well.
Beyond that, know that
women are our equals. They’re different, and do I ever love them for it, but
equal. Embrace just how wonderful they are, not just for their bodies (which
are awesome), but for what’s going on upstairs.
4. Do the right thing
There are ways to get
ahead in life via dishonesty. Do it once and get away with it, and you’ll be
tempted to do it again and again. Eventually, it will bite a huge chunk out of
your ass. Call it karma, but it’s playing the odds. They do catch up to you.
5. Quit yer bitchin’
Know the difference
between doormat and whiner. Sometimes, you’ve just got to suck it up.
6. Own up
If you make a mistake,
admit it. If you do wrong, try to fix it. If you have responsibilities, live up
to them. This isn’t elementary school. Be an adult and don’t blame your own
shortcomings on someone or something else.
7. God hates a coward
Religion has nothing to do
with it; this is just what my dad always says. There are risks in life worth
taking, risks that accelerate you to a new level. Remember Morgan Freeman’s
character in The Shawshank Redemption: “Terrible thing, to live in fear.” Fear
can hold you back from being the man you’re meant to be.
8. Shovel your neighbor’s sidewalk
This is a metaphor. It
might not snow where you live.
Do things that benefit
others with no expectation of acknowledgement or reward. You will be rewarded,
however. That warm feeling inside is it. Don’t discount its value as a
contributing member of the human race.
9. Wear your seatbelt
Another metaphor. There
are risks worth taking and stupid things people do to act cool.
Note that acting cool and
being cool are different.
Wear a helmet, look before
you leap, get some exercise, don’t smoke, cheeseburgers and chicken wings are a
treat, not a staple, wrap your root… You get the idea.
10. Keep debt in check
There are things worth
going into debt for, like a place to live (that you can afford), an education
(that leads to a viable career), a new business venture that you’ve done a
thorough risk analysis of, or a life-saving medical procedure. Gadgets,
clothes, vacations, and cars shouldn’t qualify. If you can’t afford those
things, don’t buy them.
11. Invest wisely
Don’t expect the
government to look after you. If you want to eat something other than cat food
and have walls that aren’t made of cardboard surrounding you in your golden
years, you’d better get saving.
But this goes beyond
retirement planning. You can also decide which relationships and careers are
worth investing in, as well as to take the time, money and effort to invest in
your own health and fitness to garner a positive ROI.
12. Lift something heavy
Cuz it’s awesome.
13. See your favorite band up close
At least once. Find a way
to make it happen. You won’t regret it.
14. Speak their language
When you travel, buy a
phrase book and try to see the world through another set of eyes. In other
words, don’t be such an ethnocentric jackass.
15. Don’t be a junky
Whether it’s work, booze,
drugs, Halo, Facebook, sex, porn, TV, food or gambling, know the line between
pastime and addiction.
16. Plan ahead
Things are less likely to
bite you in the ass that way. There you go. Planning ahead is ass protection.
17. When driving where kids might be playing, slow
the f*ck down
Seriously, I will beat
you. It takes only a second to ruin many lives, including your own.
18. Go outside
It’s nicer out there. The
air is better, the light is brighter, and the world is more fun.
19. Be flexible
Things don’t always go the
way you planned, so adapt and overcome. Be willing to adapt your thought
processes and challenge your own assumptions as well. Chances are you haven’t
got life completely figured out yet. Be willing to learn from others.
20. Have a least one good friend
Find someone you would
travel across land in the middle of the night at a moment’s notice to bail out
of jail. Someone whose back you will watch, not stab. Someone who inspires your
loyalty. Someone who will do all these things for you in return.
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